Lots of people have and are getting home alarms these days. Here's a piece of advice before your sign up for service with Protection One: Don't.

Let me tell you my story.

She Who Puts Up With Me and I never really gave much thought to alarm systems before we moved into our present house back in 1997. The house came already equipped with an alarm system which had (we believed) been disconnected. Since we didn't really care that much, we didn't bother to get it reconnected.

An incident a month or two later which involved a false alarm and the police coming to our door at 5 AM made us realize that the alarm wasn't as disconnected as we thought. We decided to look into having the alarm reconnected, if for no other reason than so we would know what the codes were.

The alarm technician was very nice. He came to our house, reset all the codes, changed the batteries, and told us we had to sign a three-year contract for the monitoring service. We very nearly called the whole thing off then and there, but figured we would probably be staying in the house for at least three years ("What happens if we move before the contract is up?" I asked the technician. "You either have to buy out the rest of the contract, or get an alarm for your new house." This was a taste of things to come).

Fast-forward six years and change. The company we had originally signed up with had been bought by Protection One, and we had been faithfully paying almost $30/month for alarm monitoring service, which amounts to over $2,000 since we signed up. We were looking for ways to trim our expenses, and hit upon the alarm monitoring service.

"What are we really getting for $30/month?" I asked.

"Well, we've had a whole bunch of false alarms, a couple of fines from the city for police calls when your dad set off the alarm accidentally, and the local police department now charges everyone $10/year to register their alarms because they've had too many false alarms. Oh, and they've now got a late fee of $30, so if we miss the payment by a day or two, it doubles," She replied.

"Right, so why are we still paying these jokers?"

Round One (somewhat abridged)
"Hello, I'd like to cancel my alarm monitoring service."

"I'm sorry, I can't do that. You need to cancel in writing."

"Okay, where do I need to send the letter?"

"Here's the address," [Gives a P.O. box in Topeka, Kansas] "And you need to be sure to include the date, your name, your account number, the reason for canceling the service, and your signature."

"All that?"

"Yes, if you don't include all that, we can't process your request."

"That's insane, but if you need me to jump through hoops, I'll write the letter."

Round Two (somewhat abridged)
Protection One
Topeka, KS
September 14th, 2003

To Whom It May Concern:

Please cancel our alarm service effective immediately. We have physically disconnected our service, and our account number is XXXXXX. As you can see, we are jumping through all the required hoops in this cancelation letter.

/signed/ DFN

Round Three (somewhat abridged)
Protection One
Minneapolis, MN
October 19th, 2003

To Whom It May Concern:

Over a month ago, I mailed a letter requesting cancelation of our alarm service. We physically disconnected the system in early September, so we have not been actually using the service for nearly two months. Nevertheless, we have not received any response to our letter dated September 14th except a bill for another month of alarm service. Please correct your records and disconnect the service, effective mid-September.

/signed/ DFN

Round Four (somewhat abridged)
Protection One
Minneapolis, MN
November 14th, 2003

To Whom It May Concern:

This is the third letter I've sent to you attempting to cancel our alarm monitoring service, yet I continue to receive bills for continued service. This is starting to really get annoying, and I'm filing a consumer complaint with the Minnesota Attorney General's Office, along with copies of the other letters I've sent and the most recent bill you've sent me. Nobody at Protection One has made any attempt whatsoever to contact me, but as far as I'm concerned, my service has been cancelled since September. Please stop sending me bills.

/signed/ DFN

Round Five (somewhat abridged)
DFN
Minnetonka, MN
December 5, 2003

DFN:

In regards to your letter to cancel your service, I regret that your contract runs through May 2004. Our records indicate that the Minneapolis Branch Office offered to settle this, but we will release you from your contract if you pay for an additional three months. We will send you a final bill.

/signed/ Sheila Lackey, Protection One Customer Service, Topeka

Round Six (very abridged)
We received yet another bill for continuing alarm monitoring service, dated December 11th.

Round Seven (somewhat abridged)
Sheila Lackey
Protection One
Topeka, KS
December 14th, 2003

Dear Ms. Lackey:

Thank you for your cordial response, though I can hardly call it timely. I am distressed that it took three letters and a complaint to the Attorney General's office to get any kind of response from you at all. You are mistaken on several key points, however:

1) Nobody from Protection One's Minneapolis Branch--or any other branch--has contacted us since our letter of September 14th. That's what led us to file a complaint in the first place.

2) We signed our contract in 1997 for a three year term, so our contract has been expired for several years now. I'd really like to see this supposed "contract which expires in May 2004." You've already collected over $2,000 from us, perhaps you could spend some of it on better record keeping and customer service.

3) We continue to receive bills for continued monitoring service, despite what is now four attempts to cancel the service, and the fact our alarm has been physically disconnected since September. All we want is for you to go away and leave us alone. Surely you must realize that you're not going to get $30/month from us any more--even if we did want alarm service, there's not a snowball's chance in Hell we'd sign up with Protection One again--so please just cancel the service and stop sending us bills.

/signed/ DFN

The Really Amazing Part
The really amazing part, now that we've bought six years worth of service from these guys, is that anyone thinks this service is worth anywhere near $30/month to begin with. Maybe $10/month.

Here's all they do: When your alarm goes off, the alarm dials a call center and tells them what the cause of the alarm was. Someone from the call center then calls you back and asks for the password. If they don't get the password, they pass the alarm code to the local police.

That's it.

Subscribers with a lot of false alarms might have one or two calls a month. The majority probably have none. Knowing the economics of the call center business, each alarm call probably costs around $5 to handle. The rest is profit.

Or rather, monopoly pricing.

The other little secret is that they make it extremely difficult to change alarm services, both through onerous contracts (and crappy service when you want to cancel); and through alarm systems which are designed to be very difficult or impossible to reprogram.

So, before you get an alarm, consider this: crime rates are down. Many neighborhoods really don't need them. They're a huge nuisance and cause many false alarms. And, if you still want one, whatever you do, don't sign up with Protection One. You'll regret it someday.